Carol A. Hand
When I arrived here
in the world of humans
all the rules had been written
and all the roles had been assigned
save one – the role of outsider
reserved for others like me
who couldn’t conform
to cultures and religions
claiming to be the only
True Way
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The curse of being born between cultures is to always enter each new setting to discover the enduring discomfort of being an outsider. Finally, I have learned to be grateful for the freedom that role confers, even though my spirit longs to connect with people as easily as it does with dragonflies, birds, trees, and bumblebees bending flowers as they feed.
I feel the imminent danger we all face, yet I remember a saying from Lao Tzu that seems to be true to me – “the way to do is to be.”
I have no answers for others, but decades ago I was blessed by the example of Sister Lorita, my college adviser and botany professor. She humbly endured being mocked by many of her privileged students. One day, she shared her secret with me.
“It doesn’t matter what people think of me if they learn to see the wonder of life in a blade of grass.”
Every morning and most evenings, I sit outside on my little porch looking toward the western sky. I observe and listen to the nature around me – both “natural” and human. Some of what I see and hear touches my heart with wonder, while other sights and sounds weigh heavy on my spirit. Both inspire me to honestly reflect on the things I do that add to the threats for all life. And I try to do better. But it’s hard to do it alone.
*
*
Still, I try to do better. I plant and tend gardens, spend time with my daughter and grandchildren when their busy schedules allow, and teach part time. I try to raise the awareness of my grandchildren and the students I work with in gentle ways, creating a space for them to learn to be present and inquisitive, to question what they have learned in the past, and to think critically about what they encounter in the present.
It’s impossible for me to know if anything I say or do will make a positive difference in their lives, but teaching by example has made a difference in mine. It’s helped me learn to live with fewer and fewer immutable answers and many more questions which I may never be able to answer with certainty.
*
Carol, I know that you are making a positive difference in the lives you touch. You have made a difference in mine ❤
As an outsider myself, I have found my way by embracing the great diversity of humanity. I rejoice when others welcome me into their hearts. I suffer the blows from those who reject me, get up again, and move forward.
I also "feel the imminent danger we all face." The teachings of Lao Tzu buoy me up. The saying you quote, "the way to do is to be," reminds me to let go of my anxieties and just be.
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Autumn leaves me (pun intended) in a reflective mood too — which leads to the thought that this Albert Camus quote is germane here:
“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”
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Thoughtful and lovely reflections as always, Carol. I love the Lao Tau quote.
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Thoughtful and beautiful, Carol. Thank you!
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Beautiful, Carol…
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Carol…this post reflects. resonates, and reminds me of so much. You make a difference with your being…I’m certain of it. The truth and deep feeling in your words, stories and commitments are apparent and feel important and authentic to me. You are therefore an example for all who notice, learn from you or heed your gentle calls for the same. ‘Tis the season for reflection as we prepare for the Winter of rest. Our being is critical to the healing that our world needs. Be well, dear Carol. 💕
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Carol,
Knowing you only virtually yet, I continually see a source of positive kind reinforcement, a fount of encouragement in a, at times, cynical world. Your honest reflections about two cultures, being an outsider, I can relate. IMHO being an outsider is being willing to grow, love yourself so you can love others and not just accept the status quo.
Gibran wrote: “Love has no other desire than to fulfill itself” …. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;”
“Pain of too much tenderness” How powerful is that!!? Peace to you my friend.
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Quote: “It’s impossible for me to know if anything I say or do will make a positive difference in their lives, but teaching by example has made a difference in mine. It’s helped me learn to live with fewer and fewer immutable answers and many more questions which I may never be able to answer with certainty.”
Such wisdom, so well stated. If an answer doesn’t lead to more questions, it was the wrong answer.
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Nice and thoughtful of you Carol. Enjoy your life by what you are doing. Life is very short.
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I believe you are making a big difference with your even bigger presence, Carol. You ask questions others can’t even articulate. You are moving society forward simply with your presence, and, of course, your wisdom. The world is better with you in it. ❤️
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It’s hard to feel like an outsider, but I do think it gives a sense of fairness and compassion, as well as creativity, all of which you seem to have plenty of Carol!
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A beautiful and inspiring poem and post, Carol, and not alone. Peace and love, Bruce.
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She sounds like a lovely person!
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Perfect and beautiful, uplifting words Carol. Thank you.
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gratitude for your heart’s reflections, dear teacher.
may you dwell peacefully where you have sovereign rein
in your true home, the wonderful present moment 🙂
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