Carol A. Hand


I wonder
if some think me a fool
because I refuse to respond
to disrespectful belittling banter
Perhaps some people fail to understand
silence in the face of unkindness
may actually be compassion
and equanimity



Recently, I have received unkind comments on a number of posts. From my perspective, there is more than enough mean-spiritedness in the world today. I made a difficult decision not to post those comments because I don’t want this blog to be used to give voice to disrespect toward others even though I have been the primary target. Witnessing the abuse of others hurts me, and I suspect many others have the same response.

60 thoughts on “Equanimity

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  1. You can blacklist the unkind ones through WP which will silence them on your site and you never need mention them again. After all it is any bit of attention they seek, and this is the only way they can get it, which is sad when you think about it, for them. Blacklisting is therapeutic, for them. It is a zero response contingent reinforcement of negative behavior. Hopefully this will send them over to someone like me, where I will do the same. United we stand against all who harm others, no matter how petty and pathetic, and cruelty is always petty and pathetic. You just keep on shining~

    Liked by 6 people

  2. So sorry you’ve been subjected to such posts. You’re so right — why let them succeed in insulting and also distracting. When we give them the space, people spend time and energy having to respond, and the hateful messages just get amplified. The best response to trolls is delete and ignore! Thank you!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I meant “ignored” by declining to respond and by allowing your followers to ignore those comments by not giving them space on your wonderful blog. The trolls can keep shouting at you but we won’t come out to play!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Carol, I’m so sorry to hear what has happened. You no doubt know that I had a problem for over 3 years with cyberstalking trolls submitting comments to my blog. Not only did they attack me, but they attacked those who participate on my blog as well. They even attacked me because I participated on other blogs that they did not like. Those comments never made it to the public board. I blacklisted the IP addresses, and they came back anyway by using proxy IP addresses. Finally, I changed options so that only those with a WordPress can submit comments. You can do that under “Discussions” settings.

    I hope this stops. You should have peace in your own internet home.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments and advice, Xena. I remember the challenges you had and I am glad that your hard work paid off in the long run. I do moderate comments on my blog, and have had to use this feature recently to block the disrespectful posts. I wasn’t sure the message was getting through though and decided to post this in hopes that the person would stop wasting his/her time and mine.

      Sending my best wishes to you. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  4. As you know Carol, I love your wise words and I receive much positivity from reading your posts, they lift me up, they remind me to be kind and compassionate, they make me think. I find you absolutely inspirational. I don`t blame you at all for blocking or erasing comments from the people who write unkind things to you, they are not gifted with intelligence so with any luck, they`ll quickly become bored and bugger off (as we say in the UK.) xx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. As you can guess, I have many friends from outer space, my earthling friend Carol.:) Some of them very interested in human trolls. Don’t bother yourself, just you give me the trolls’ coordinates to transmit to them, they will deal with these trolls gladly. 😎

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh, Carol! I am SO sorry to hear about this. I have had my share of unkind comments on my blog which I chose to delete. I will not allow, like you, anyone to pollute a blog that is founded in Love and Beauty. The mean-spiritless in this world is awful and whenever I am exposed to it, it always shocks me. I then must work very hard to come back to Balance after the experience. Sending you Much Love to counter the “attack”. XOXOXO 💞💞💞

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and support, AmyRose. I am sorry to hear that you have experienced disrespectful, unkind comments, too. Your blog is such a lovely, peaceful space.

      Because I sometimes post issues that evoke thought, I welcome comments from people who offer differing perspectives, but comments that are meant to belittle and silence me or someone else have no place in thoughtful dialogue.

      Sending much love to you, too. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The kind of posts you spoke about here, those are the ones I’ve had to delete comments from. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, yet I draw the line, like you do, at disrespect or demeaning words. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Carol, I am very sorry you have had these unkind and mean comments on your posts. I can’t understand it at all and feel for you. You do right to not to give these exposure … but it just still be painful and upsetting for you. Love & hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind, supportive comments, Annika. In other times of my life, belittling comments may have silenced me or made me angry. Now, I just feel a sense of compassion for people who feel the need to belittle others in such petty ways. (They tend to remind me of mosquitoes on a number of levels.) There are far more productive ways to spend one’s time.

      Sending hugs and my best wishes. I hope your lovely book is continuing to receive the attention it so richly deserves. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Silence is the only answer I find, I love your poem, it says it all. I must say it’s hard to imagine anyone taking offence at you or picking a fight, but then trolling is an indiscriminate blood sport. I love your response.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s so sad when one reads such news, Carol. I’m sorry that you have been through this unfortunate experience. We are with you as your blogging friends and I enjoy and appreciate your writing and poetry! Much love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That was a right decision, Carol. Mean comments are not acceptable. I wonder was it spam? We cannot agree with anyone, but we have to be tactful and express our opinions without meanness. That is called culture and good manners.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Inese, I do wish the comments had been spam. Sadly, they came from a blogger whose comments were very thoughtful in the past. I value thoughtful dialogue and differing perspectives. Recently, though, the tone of the comments changed, first to off-topic, and then to belittling and unkind. As I noted in the this post, I am unwilling to expose others to pointless banter and meanness.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I see. I hope the change of tone wasn’t related to a physical changes in brain due to a medical condition or age. As I am 60+, I started to notice that I am not that cheerful, agreeable and easy going self anymore 😦 Just remove the comments, and write what you think is right. It is your blog. People have plenty of space on their own blogs to express their thoughts instead of trying to fit in a comment 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m very sorry to hear that you are experiencing such animosity, Carol. It’s spillover from the rest of the world, I think. Good to know that you’re staying centered about it all. ox

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh no, Carol! Your poetry and reflections have always felt like they connect people together. That someone wants to drive others apart on your site is just despicable. Thank you for showing us what it means to be strong and full of hope despite whatever darkness others share. x

    Liked by 1 person

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