Carol A. Hand
This is my final post for an indeterminate time. I wanted to let you know why I have been so slow responding to comments and remiss in visiting your blogs.
***
Rocking Away Pain (May 27, 2018)
Tears flowing silently
unbidden
Shivering
despite the growing pile of blankets
lovingly placed to warm me
by the daughter and granddaughter
now holding my hand
while I lie supine
in a hospital emergency room
These are not tears of fear or regret
They come from gratitude
and the deep knowing
that ultimately we all die
The time and manner of passing
are not really ours to determine
For my daughter’s sake
my choice at this moment
is courage
to face the uncertainty of fate
not knowing if the dye that will be injected
for diagnostic tests
will stop my heart
as it did to my mother’s
starving her brain of oxygen
the first step in her long journey
wandering through the unknown territory of dementia
With an explicit advanced directive
“Do Not Resuscitate”
for me the test might mean death
This time, instead
it meant painful survival
and days in my glider rocking chair
trying to rock away pain and discomfort
and choking down food despite nausea
Even now, though, I find joy and humor in life
***
Recovery Reflections (May 29, 2018)
There is a time to bring forth blossoms
and a time to release flower petals
to dance in the spring winds
and softly clothe the earth in beauty
followed by a time to focus on forming fruit
then giving it a chance to ripen
before the first frosts come
signaling the time for rest
and deep reflection
to gather strength
for next season’s
bloom
It’s the necessary cycle
to feed one’s spirit
***
This morning when I awakened, silent tears of gratitude fell as I thought about my life. I have been blessed with so many gifts. Even now, I have the privilege of tending lilacs I can share with others who can no longer do so. It’s the small things we do that bring beauty and kindness into the lives of others that matter, as many of you have done for me over the years. Thank you so very much.
Please note that I have attempted, perhaps unsuccessfully, to close comments for this post. I am not sure when I would be able to reply. Let me just send my deep gratitude and best wishes to all.
Sending you love, wishing you strength. I’m sure you already sense how many people are with you, but you’ll find this confirmation when you’re able to read the comments you couldn’t close.
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Dear Diane, You kind words mean a great deal to me, as does your friendship. Chi miigwetch, dear friend. ❤
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Carol, knowing you has been a blessing in my life. Thank you ❤
Hold on to all that is dear to you in this life. A big hug.
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Dear Rosaliene, knowing you has been a blessing in my life, too. Thank you so much for your kind words. Sending a big hug to you, too. ❤
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Carol, no need to respond. Just know that, though I have also been remiss in my own communications, I wish you peace – no matter what comes next. Be well.
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments, Carol, and for sending your blessings. I send my best wishes to you, too. ❤
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Blessings to you and your family. 💕🙏
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Take care, dear Carol! And don’t give up! There are so many beautiful springs ahead yet!
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Loving thoughts and prayers, Carol… ❤ xo
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Sending you love, peace and many blessings dear Carol.
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Room for a comment here so… the best to you, Carol, on Earth or Wherever.
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Of course there’s no need to reply. Just sending best wishes and love to you, with gratitude for all your beautiful writing. I’ve followed your blog for a few years and loved each post!
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Sending lots of love and prayers, be where your energy directs and know that we are with you in love.
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Wishing you all the best.
Neil S.
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I wish you all the best, joy and peace at this time Carol.
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smiling to your precious being
as a guide towards truth
& beauty, dear Carol.
may all your continuations
be in beauty 🙂
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Carol, it with sadness I learn a little of your plight … I am so sorry for your pain. Then have to smile as your indomitable spirit shines out here. Your posts, poems, words give me so much, their wisdom often guiding me and it is an honour to know you here. Please take care of yourself, I am glad your daughter and granddaughter are with you. Warmest hugs xxx ❤️
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Good to see you making the rounds, Carol.
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It’s good you could not turn off the comments. We your (virtual) friends need a place to put and see how much you mean to us. Your joyous and wise spirit is something we cannot get enough of. You teach us and refresh us and alwys show us the miracles of life. Take your time but I will be waiting for your next verses to be full of the wonder and truth and compassion that you bring to everything. Till then we’ll be pulling for you.
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Dear Carol, I was thinking of you and learned from your most recent beautiful post of your present circumstances. Sending you much love and hope. You have touched so many of us with your generous spirit.
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We look at the great circle for many reasons. It opens our hearts,
it opens our minds. Blessings to you great teacher. Thank you for
all you have given us and continue to give us.
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Will pray for you and send healings. Faith will keep u going
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Thank you for your lovely comment, Superduque. ❤
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Dear Carol. In my thoughts I’d like to send you love. I hope you are feeling much better now. (Sorry for my late reaction). groetjes, Hanneke
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments and kindness, Hanneke. I am feeling better. Sending gratitude and love to you. ❤
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