May Snippets II – May 30, 2018

Carol A. Hand

This is my final post for an indeterminate time. I wanted to let you know why I have been so slow responding to comments and remiss in visiting your blogs.

***

Rocking Away Pain (May 27, 2018)

Tears flowing silently
unbidden
Shivering
despite the growing pile of blankets
lovingly placed to warm me
by the daughter and granddaughter
now holding my hand
while I lie supine
in a hospital emergency room

These are not tears of fear or regret
They come from gratitude
and the deep knowing
that ultimately we all die
The time and manner of passing
are not really ours to determine

For my daughter’s sake
my choice at this moment
is courage
to face the uncertainty of fate
not knowing if the dye that will be injected
for diagnostic tests
will stop my heart
as it did to my mother’s
starving her brain of oxygen
the first step in her long journey
wandering through the unknown territory of dementia

With an explicit advanced directive
“Do Not Resuscitate”
for me the test might mean death

This time, instead
it meant painful survival
and days in my glider rocking chair
trying to rock away pain and discomfort
and choking down food despite nausea

Even now, though, I find joy and humor in life

***

Recovery Reflections (May 29, 2018)

There is a time to bring forth blossoms

and a time to release flower petals
to dance in the spring winds
and softly clothe the earth in beauty
followed by a time to focus on forming fruit
then giving it a chance to ripen
before the first frosts come
signaling the time for rest
and deep reflection
to gather strength
for next season’s
bloom

It’s the necessary cycle
to feed one’s spirit

***

This morning when I awakened, silent tears of gratitude fell as I thought about my life. I have been blessed with so many gifts. Even now, I have the privilege of tending lilacs I can share with others who can no longer do so. It’s the small things we do that bring beauty and kindness into the lives of others that matter, as many of you have done for me over the years. Thank you so very much.

Please note that I have attempted, perhaps unsuccessfully, to close comments for this post. I am not sure when I would be able to reply. Let me just send my deep gratitude and best wishes to all.

26 thoughts on “May Snippets II – May 30, 2018”

  1. Sending you love, wishing you strength. I’m sure you already sense how many people are with you, but you’ll find this confirmation when you’re able to read the comments you couldn’t close.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Carol, it with sadness I learn a little of your plight … I am so sorry for your pain. Then have to smile as your indomitable spirit shines out here. Your posts, poems, words give me so much, their wisdom often guiding me and it is an honour to know you here. Please take care of yourself, I am glad your daughter and granddaughter are with you. Warmest hugs xxx ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s good you could not turn off the comments. We your (virtual) friends need a place to put and see how much you mean to us. Your joyous and wise spirit is something we cannot get enough of. You teach us and refresh us and alwys show us the miracles of life. Take your time but I will be waiting for your next verses to be full of the wonder and truth and compassion that you bring to everything. Till then we’ll be pulling for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Carol, I was thinking of you and learned from your most recent beautiful post of your present circumstances. Sending you much love and hope. You have touched so many of us with your generous spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

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