Carol A. Hand
Traveling through time and trying to remain grounded brings so many different gifts. Each moment requires focus, revealing a deeper sense of presence. Despite my best efforts to meet arbitrary timelines, the gift of reviewing the past increases my awareness of the importance of attending to the present with greater attention and compassion.
Saturdays after class and Sundays, my transition day, give me a chance to try to catch up with all I have missed from my blogging friends. It also gives me a chance to share snippets from the week.
Monday, February 27, 2017
I needed another transition day to run errands and spend time with friends. Adjusting once again to being alone when my granddaughter goes home takes time and often a trip to the grocery store to replenish empty cabinets and refrigerator. The morning view helped me greet the day peacefully
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Note to self – get real at the end of chapter 1 – I neglected to include an experience that ignored clear evidence that past and present child welfare policies perpetuated injustice, suffering, and cultural genocide. It would take years to build the knowledge of child welfare policies and ethnographic research methods needed to conduct a study that made it clear that culture still matters. It’s not too late to address a legacy of shame. The order to be complicit in bolstering oppressive policies fueled my indignation and spirit of resistance.
The magnitude of harm and refusal of a university to explore empowering solutions helped give me the courage to try something that would test my heart and knowledge perhaps to the breaking point. My mother’s suffering and the tribal child welfare staff I had met who hoped to create healthier futures for children and their communities would forever haunt me if I didn’t try. Despite fear of failure and self-doubt about my ability to remain somewhat objective and emotionally neutral, I set off on my journey…
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Chapter 1 for now is edited and I’m ready to go on. Break time – a chance to reflect and come back to the present for a moment or two. My mind shifted to the urge I feel of late to take photos of the beauty in ordinary scenes I see.
The mystery and the majesty of snow-adorned trees highlighted by the cloudy night sky.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Yesterday afternoon, I learned that a dear friend was admitted to hospice, dying. My heart is too heavy to edit, so I write poetry instead and begin class preparation a day early.
Friday, March 3, 2017
Some days my heart is so heavy
So much unnecessary suffering in the world
So many people who see no hope
stumbling through life, feeling they have no worth
waiting for someone else to rescue them from emptiness
filling the void with alcohol, drugs, sex, Facebook or TV
Meanwhile invasive wars continue, the earth fracked and denuded
as faux news circuits, Netflix, and YouTube distract and entertain
But I still can’t help caring, reading a book, preparing a class
writing about heartbreak, possibilities and joy
The trees, plants, birds and sky just outside my door
help me remember
the light of a single candle in times of darkness
reveals the way
Yes – I know the poetry isn’t very good – it’s hard to focus today just as it was yesterday…
Sitting outside on my step
watching blades of grass quiver
and melting snow shimmer
in the warming March afternoon sun